Part of recovery as an addict or coaddict seems to follow a pretty common pattern. The addict (coaddict) doesn't make true effort to get better until he or she finally hit bottom and have no place left to go but up. I feel I've visited that abyss on many occasions. Sometimes it feels like the bottom is where I dwell. I get so used to the pain and suffering that I don't see there being any "up" journey left for more. And just when I start to feel there is no getting worse, I find even darker depths still.
The abyss that envelopes me is much my own making. I stayed with a man that I knew both lied and cheated on me multiple occasions. I gave him the means to further his addiction. And I have only myself to try and work out of it.
That doesn't make it any easier. But knowing I am to blame does help keep things in perspective. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice... Shame on me.
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