I have often wondered about sex with a sex addict. How much is too much? What is and isn't healthy? What is and isn't allowable? What feeds the addiction? What nourishes a healthy relationship? I've asked this in a few places but haven't really seen any good answers. One person did say that it was suggested to her by therapists and other sources to remain abstinent for a year (pending clean test results as well). I have been giving it some thought. I have not decided if that's what I will do yet, but it's definitely a strong possibility.
A couple hesitations I have. One- I know that he hasn't been able to last a week without some sort of gratification. So how could he possibly do a year?
- my answer? That's part of his problem that he needs to correct. How he handles the year says a lot about him, and how sincere he is about trying to overcome addiction and become "sober."
My other hesitation- I'm not sure I can last that long. Even with the poor libido that I have, I still get the urge from time to time. Will I go to someone else? Of course not. But I'm afraid that I'll lack the resolve to keep him abstinent if I'm not wanting to be as well.
- my answer? Battling this addiction is mostly his battle, but it does involve me. This is part of my commitment as well as his.
I haven't brougt it up to him yet, and I do not expect that it will be well received. But I am hoping something this drastic could help us recapture (or maybe create) something between us that goes beyond "just sex" and turns physical intimacy into something to be cherished for us both.
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