I just found out that Justin's sexual escapade involved no protection and she verbalized want to have a baby and he didn't even withdraw. WTF? I was intending to go get tested but now I know I may not like what I find. May not be chlamydia but could have herpes or HPV. I feel doubly if not triply violated.
I had always taken some consolation knowing I was the only one he had unprotected intercourse with, the only one hr gave his "seed" to and the only one to have his child in her womb. Now I can't guarantee even that is true. I'm hurting even more.
His stupidity astounds me. How could sex ever be worth the damage he wad inflicting. How could a quick lay be worth a family? Yet for a time, if just the hour he spent in her hotel room, it was. I hate him for that.
I'm struggling to find some value
In our marriage. Something we share that he hasn't handed to
a slutty stranger. I'm not sure I can find anything. Besides physical infidelity he's had emotional affairs. So I can't even say I'm the only one he's shared
Intimate feelings/thoughts with. I know I'm not the only one he's given his body to but I sincerely wish I was the only one he gave his heart too.
I'm taking it very hard. Despite praying, reading the bible and talking with our pastor I frequently contemplate suicide. Stupid I know. I'm so tired of pain that can't be erased.
Hope others are having a better
Christmas.
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